I looked at all my old notes, letters, pictures…gosh things were so simple. So much people had faith in me that i will be a big star. Some where down the road I lost that light and put up walls of smiles and makeup to hide myself behind. If I would have never came to japan life would be so different. Some times I wonder why I am staying here. But I will move forward and fight for myself…I have to. People here … take advantage of me so much. Just think of all that could not happen if I would have stayed and think of how much I have to deal with everyday and how I still try to keep peace with everyone. Naturally I am not the strongest person. My body immune system has weaken ever since I came here. Maybe it is the air or all the smoke I am exposed to but I can not deal with body stress. It scares me to be here on my own. What if I collapse again? Can I trust that some one would get help for me? Would they know how to help me? Would they take my things as payment?
I just know that I can handle only so much and the stress that others have been giving me NEEDS TO GO.